Reality.

This last weekend did not go as I expected. I received a call from my boss Friday night at 7:00PM - while on a date with my wife! - that I had to be at a customer site on Monday for a non-emergency visit. Needless to say, that kind of cast a cloud on my entire weekend. I have been traveling a lot recently, a lot more than normal. I guess that is a good thing, but it is stressful, most of it has been last minute travel. I hope things slow down a bit...

Something happened Sunday night that put the whole world into perspective for me. I found out a neighbor across the street has cancer. He is in his thirties, he has a wife, a little girl, and a baby on the way. He does not have health insurance. That hit me like a ton of bricks.

I have been whining a lot over the last few weeks about the unusual amount of travel. Things went crazy the week after we got back from the Canna retreat, and have not let up since. The only good times in the last few weeks were that I was home for Labor Day, home for Kevin's first day of school, and home for Mary Anne's birthday. I should look at it a little bit different way...

I have my health, and the health of my family. I have a wife, seven children. I have enough money to feed them and put a roof over their head. I have happy, good, holy children. How can I possibly ask for anything more?

Life seems to be getting so hard. Looking at the news each day is excruciating. Hearing about people in trouble or losing their jobs is like a knife in the guts. All there seems to be out there is fear and despair. I don't think I have ever seen a time more full of fear.

If you look hard enough, though, there seems to be hope out there. There are stories in the back pages of the papers about people helping other people, for no other reason than it needs to be done. We went to the Apple Fest in Endicott, and saw people smiling and laughing on a beautiful, warm fall day. My kids went home and planned on what they were going to do for the "night in a box" event at St. James to raise awareness and funds for homelessness. I found out there are going to be over 80 kids there this year!! That is amazing! There is so much hope in the children today.... It inspires me. It seems like I have been feeling a lot more despair than hope recently...

I keep telling people to see the good in others and the world - and yet, I do not practice what I preach as much as I should. I think I need to pray on that more.

Humility.

"There is a God, and I am not Him."

The unholy trinity: me, myself, and I.

These are quotes from the sermon I heard today at mass near my brothers house. It got me thinking about this last week here at the customers, and how all of my stress and concern has been about how this event is affecting my life. Me. I. I have been so concerned with just getting over this and getting home that I have forgotten that I am here to serve God. I am here for a reason, even though I do not understand it at this time.

I am supposed to live a life of service - am I truly serving God and my customer to the best of my ability? Or am I saying the words and not "walking the walk"? As I said, the sermon gave me a lot to think about.

I think there is a message for the entire world in these ideas. How much of the trouble we are in today is because we are, knowingly or unknowingly, worshiping the unholy trinity of me, myself, and I? I have written about this before - it is not just government bureaucrats and corporate managers. It is all of us, with our attitudes of, "what's in it for me?"

I heard about the rally in Washington today sponsored by Glenn Beck. On outward appearances, it seems like he has experienced some sort of a conversion. I like a lot of what he has to say, although for reasons I mentioned before, I disagree with him on the mosque issue. I have to wonder, though, if this is a real conversion or he found a slightly more in-demand line of sh*t to feed to people. That was harsh, but I am becoming very tired of politics and people who make their livings off of politics. The one point in his favor is when I listened to him the last time I was in Minnesota on 100.3 - and all he asked people to do was pray, saying that we are so far around the bend the only thing that can save us now is prayer. In that, I agree with him.

On another subject, maybe related or not, I feel like we - the world - is on a cusp right now. Big changes are taking place in the hearts of people, and they will affect the world as we know it. I have been feeling for a long time now like there is a storm over the horizon and the only thing holding it back is prayer. More than ever before, I feel like things are on the verge of changing for the good, or maybe something apocalyptic. The only thing that is holding it back is prayer. The only thing that will save us in the coming months or maybe even weeks is prayer. I feel that we as a nation are called to God and to prayer now more than ever in my life. I am afraid.

The NYC Mosque...

You know, I wonder why I am writing this blog. No one follows it - as best I can tell, no one has ever read it. I am not feeling the love... OK, enough whining...

I have decided to wade into the mosque debate. I have been listening closely to both sides, and have come to some conclusions...

I can understand why people are upset about the idea of a mosque being built near ground zero. There is most likely some political exploitation that is going on, but there is also a lot of legitimate rage. In a lot of ways, this is no different from a group wanting to erect a Shinto shrine near Pearl Harbor in the years after the attack there. There would be a legitimate reason for it - there is a significant population of people of Japanese descent there. My own connection is the fire service - my brothers died there.

Here is where I stray from my feelings, though. Those same people that are calling for the mosque to not be built should be scared to death of the idea of the state preventing its construction for any reason. If the state - NY or federal - exercises power to block the construction of that mosque, they will create a precedent that would allow them to block other structures. We are already seeing persecution of Christians in this nation - what's next, a Catholic church? A Christian house of worship? Where does it stop?

Out founders envisioned a country with a small, even weak federal government. They wanted most of the power to create laws and regulate things to be at the state level. We have strayed far, far from that - that is a scary thought.

That's about all I have for tonight... Two more days and I get to go home...

Expect the unexpected

I don't have a whole lot on my mind right now... Things did not go as expected at the job site. Instead of being home tomorrow by lunchtime, the earliest I will be getting home is tomorrow night or sometime on Monday.

The good that came out of this is that I made a decision to just hand this all over to God. He wants me to be here for some reason, even though I have no clue why. Instead of fighting it and stressing over it, I have chosen to just accept it. I am actually feeling some peace because of that.

I also made a conscious effort not to look at the news today. Some may look at it as burying my head in the sand - I look at it as a break from the propaganda efforts by both the left and the right. The only thing they have to sell is fear and despair, and I am tired of it.

There is so much going on in the next couple of months. It is going to be a challenge to get everything done. I already have a little girl at home who misses me very much, and I miss her. I miss all of my children. Many people - me included, sometimes - complain about the noise and chaos of a bunch of children. Try stepping away from that involuntarily some time. You will be amazed at how quickly you begin to miss it, and what a hole it leaves in your heart.

Today's message: Cherish the time you have with the ones you love. None of us knows how many days or hours or even minutes we have left on this earth.

How tolerant are we?

I am stuck in MA right now, waiting for a part for a tool. Actually, I have been here for two days waiting for a part... This is actually more stressful than you can imagine. Anyhow, since I have time to kill, I thought I would try to find a church close by with a lunchtime mass. The only masses available, it seems, are morning masses.

I found a parish not too far away called... St. Michael's! ( http://saint-michael.org/ ) They offer mass in the morning as well as adoration until in the evening....

As I was looking through the website, I saw an article that made me think:

"

There are unrecognized millions who are alienated from our Catholic family. They are a gaping wound in the Body of Christ - a hemorrhage of anger, frustration, pain and rejection. Historically the people of the Church have placed little emphasis on ministering to those who don’t feel welcome at our Church doors or at the table of Eucharist. Judgments are rendered about their lack of faith, their lack of zeal, their having made the wrong choices...always something wrong with them. They often experience resentment at Christmas and Easter liturgies when they are publicly resented and chastised for "crowding" the pews, making it uncomfortable for the more deserving - those who show up every Sunday.

The "seekers," however, are usually very good faith-filled people, often confused by the Church’s effort to control their choices and their lives. Seekers are looking for a spiritual home which will welcome them and offer an opportunity for them to reclaim their belovedness in the heart of God, to sort out issues of confusion, guilt and shame, and to strive towards even more goodness in their lives while being in harmony with God and Church. An alive Church community more and more has to be a home where people not only can bring their burdens but where they can also sort them out, finding acceptance and encouragement to continue on the journey. Church must offer hope to people torn apart by heartache, loss, indifference, and despair. Many seekers need an opportunity to understand and forgive the Church for many of them have been deeply hurt by the Church. The Church needs to be humble enough to ask to be forgiven for its shortcomings and brokenness."

It made me think of all the times I have made comments about those "Christmas and Easter" Catholics who make it hard to go to mass on those days. Maybe that is part of the reason why they are, in fact, "Christmas and Easter" Catholics? Instead of grumbling about having to get to the church so earlier with all the children, and listening to their grumbling, it would be better to pray for all these people that their hearts be touched and they become weekly Catholics...

I had an experience once when I worked at IBM. I went to mass at St. Ambrose during my lunch hour. While I was waiting for mass to start, three SUNY students came in and sat in front of me. They were what you would call, Goths. Extreme Goths. Clothes, makeup, the whole nine yards. I felt my blood pressure going up that these kids could be so disrespectful... and then a thought hit me. These three kids were at mass at noon on a sunny Wednesday, and they were prayerful and respectful... They had faith, they just looked funny. It was a very humbling and eye opening experience for me.

I am going to make a brief excursion into politics here... Up until this point, I have been very, very against the mosque that is proposed for near Ground Zero. I am a firefighter, my brothers died there. And yet, I am starting to feel a tug away from that position. Islam is intolerant, it preaches spreading the faith at the point of a sword. Unless we want to become like them in their beliefs, we have to accept that they have a right to build there. I still think it is wrong, I think if they truly respect the beliefs of others, they should build it elsewhere... But if they will not budge from their position, they have the right. Instead of feeling anger and even violence towards them, we should pray for them, for their conversion.

What do you think? I am still a raving, right wing nut case, I am just trying very hard to be a thinking, raving, right wing nut case.

Something from Abraham Lincoln...

"We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of Heaven. We have been preserved, these many years, in peace and prosperity. We have grown in numbers, wealth and power, as no other nation has ever grown. But we have forgotten God. We have forgotten the gracious hand which preserved us in peace, and multiplied and enriched and strengthened us."

- Abraham Lincoln, March 30, 1863 proclaiming a National Fast Day.

I actually read this in a book entitled, "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter". My kids put me onto the book to read while I was on a short trip - it's actually a pretty good read, I recommend it. The author (name escapes me, also wrote "Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies") intersperses historical facts throughout the book and ties them to the story line. Like I said, a good read.

Why did this catch my eye? Because we are living in the same times he spoke of. We have forgotten God. President Lincoln declared a day of fasting in atonement for this, and to try to bring people back to God. Maybe this is something we should do again, either on March 30th or earlier. What do people think? Please let me know - and more importantly, spread the word to other people.

Most importantly, pray. There is a storm just over the horizon, and the only thing holding it back is our prayer. Pray, if not for yourself, then for your children, your family, your friends and neighbors. Pray.

Long time, no blog...

OK, the daily posting thing is not working out as well as I thought it would. I can't believe it has been so long since my last post...

The problem that I am running into is remembering to post. I will go through the day, and see something that puts an idea in my head. While walking around, going through the day, I will compose the post in my head, edit it, tweak it, and get the wording just right. Then the end of the day will come along and I will forget to write it down and upload it, or just get too busy to do it....

Is there someway I can put a recorder in my head?

This is a discipline I need to work on - along with a whole lot of other things.

One of my children is having some problems in school. Thankfully, they are starting to be addressed. One of the big problems that has been identified is that he is ADD - pretty bad, actually. I went through some testing as well, and guess what? I'm ADD, too. I just seem to have found some way to adapt to it over the years. I need to get better, though. There is so much more that I could be doing, I just need to learn how. One of the interesting things that I have discovered, is that my ADD may actually be a benefit for the kind of work I do - paying and other. Where it is hurting me is on all the background stuff - paperwork, routines... These are the same things my son is trying to deal with. There are a lot of things I wanted to give to my children. This is not one of those things.

Maybe blogging like this can help me with my ADD? Maybe it could help my son, also. He is an amazing kid. He is incredible with little children, he is smart - really smart!! - he is funny, and he has a musical talent that is nothing short of amazing. Maybe writing a daily blog - and sticking to it - could help both of us with discipline and with venting our ideas.

Almost done for this post. I am actually getting done with a one week trip to my company's factory in Sweden. I finally got certified for the job that I am doing - after doing it for eight+ years. It's kind of funny, really. I just never had the chance to get this done. It was a good trip besides that. I actually learned some things that are going to help me in my job. I also got to meet some people and make some contacts that will help me with my job. The week went by fast and it was worth the trip.

Now I am on my way home - and that is a good thing.