Thoughts from a Fathers Day...

So I guess this would count as my first official blog entry. Almost a letdown....

I am actually writing this from a hotel room in MA. I had to travel out here this afternoon for business tomorrow. The drive out here was uneventful, and gave me some time to think. Those thoughts will probably end up in entries in the near future.

For today, my thoughts were on Fathers Day, and on my own dad. He died in November 1987 when I was 21 years old. It was almost a relief when he died. He had cancer, and it decimated him. That is not the way I remember him, though. The memories I have of him are of working in the shop together, or him meeting me for breakfast after I worked third shift at the truck stop. Recently, another memory came back to me of my dad, of him cuddling me close as a toddler until I fell asleep... That memory came back to me as I was cuddling my own toddler to sleep one afternoon recently.

I wish he could have met his grandchildren. I wish he was here to get advice from. I wish he was here to show me where I could be a better father to my own children. I try my best - my own bunch seems to think I am doing OK, and there are a bunch of my children's friends - teenagers, yet! - that all call me, "dad". I see all the things I do wrong, though. I go to sleep often at night wishing I had done something different, or that I had done more. I guess these are the thoughts of every father.

Mostly I wish my dad could have met his grandchildren and had them call him, "grandpapa". He would have loved that. The smile on his face would have been priceless. For all the work he did for others, he deserved that chance.... I still have a hard time with his death, sometimes. I believe that everything has a purpose, that everything serves God... but why did He have to take my daddy? I can rationalize that my brothers and I would not have grown as people the way we have if he was still alive... I still miss my daddy, though. He was a good man. For someone who never had a father of his own as an example, he did an amazing job with us. Dad, where ever you are, I miss you, I love you, and I hope you are having a great Fathers Day!